You made me cry and you don't even care
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he thought i was a dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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