if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Don't EVER smell your tampon
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
