would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
