the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
