it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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