sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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