i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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