Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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