She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
