and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's rum buckets o'clock
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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