So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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