your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
