I must be too annoying 4 u.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
