There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
