That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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