You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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