He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
