a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
