so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
