why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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