so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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