it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
