Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we're making bets on your personal life
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
