You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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