you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
When are your genitals available?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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