so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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