I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
