Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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