His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
