I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
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No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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