whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
