Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
