He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
ttyl tear gas
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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