how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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