I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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