the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
