you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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