Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
