I wish I could punch you in the face.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
