walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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