I just threw up on my dentist
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
