Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
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We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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