Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
