Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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