You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
