Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
