Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
