someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
being pregnant is like rehab
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
