I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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