yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
