Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
