Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
