Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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