If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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