Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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