You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
