i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We need to get me chipped asap
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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