Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
