If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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