there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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