There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
