Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
