pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we made out on top of his cat.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
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Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
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Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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