Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
