It's Friday. Sex?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
