All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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