Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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