you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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