i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
