omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
