Whod you bang
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
4 words: hood of his car
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
