My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Found your dick twin last night
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just forgot I was standing up.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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