Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Come on in and take your pants off
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