This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
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The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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