Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
