you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
