A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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