We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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