I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
