I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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