I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head