you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin