How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
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Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos