I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it