So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
why do cheetos always look like penises
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy