so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want