TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
